Growing Feeling

When I first fell in love with you looong time ago, my heart made certain ways to remember it.

Now years after years later, when life is already different as it is and the hope of us being together is zero, my heart still remembers how to love you easily. Despite all the broken hearts and sadness you brought into my life, what my heart remembers the most is the happiness I feel because of my feeling for you in this life.

I never have any plan to keep you dearly in my heart, but there you are. I don't have any plan to always love you but my heart does. In fact, the love is growing into the direction my head can't control: growing deeper in my heart. But strangely, it feels just fine even when I am so sad to know that it's probably just one sided love.

Well, I know I insanely in love with you since the first time I met you, but at least I know that it is what my heart really wants undoubtedly.

I will just stay as I am now, until one day my heart says otherwise. For me, whatever happen later on, I believe it will be for the best.

Na, May 4th, 2018

DOA 2

Jangan takut, aku ada di sini.
Semua resah dan takutmu,
semua gelisah dan lelahmu, katakan saja.
Diriku, mungkin tidak bisa menjamin semua ketenangan jiwamu.
Tapi engkau tahu, aku akan selalu sediakan bahuku untukmu
bersandar.
Setidaknya, engkau tidak akan kesepian.

(Na, Doa 2 - 18.11.2010)

DOA 1

Setiap hembus nafasku adalah doa bagi yang kukasihi.
kini, telah kutambahkan namamu pada hembus nafas itu.
agar selalu disayang-Nya dan dilindungi dari mara bahaya.
mungkin aku bukan manusia sebaik yang Dia inginkan,
tapi jangan ragu bahwa doaku akan didengar dan diiyakan-Nya
karena Dia tahu, ketulusan hatiku menyayangimu, tidak tertandingi!

- Na, 15.11.2010 -

Note of 18.02.2011, 01.30AM - totally Yours, ya Rabb!

...kneeling down on you, ya Rabb. my whole life is Yours completely. i pray to You, ya Rahman, to give me my future as mystery, as i am thankful for not knowing anything that will happen in my very next second, as it gives me strength to be better...


...totally surrender, my Lord: my happiness, my sorrow, my emptiness are Your desicion. i know you'll guide my life, as this life is your gift to me. please
just keep me in Your hand all the time, as i'm only a sinful human being...



...prostrated to you, ya Rabb. for all these restless feelings that will become peace, for all the worries that will have answers. i know You'll bring me back to the place i'm suppossed to be, to the persons i'm belong to, to the life i deserve to. i know You love me, much more than i love You. that's why i shud not have to be afraid...

.

.. rindu meremas hati ..

apa kau tau, kadang-kadang rindu datang tanpa belas kasihan?
sedikit saja, tapi tanpa ampun meremas hati menimbulkan telaga airmata.
semua, akhirnya hanya bisa berujung pada istighfar dan sujud-sujud panjang.

- never realized how much I miss you, until you suddenly came into my dream -
01.08.2011

13.09.2011

aku hanya ingin menangis ...

Lunar Eclipse 2

aku bahkan bisa menjadi malaikat,
menjagamu tanpa kau melihat,
melalui doa-doa yang terpanjat.

kau hanya perlu meminta,
...mengucap melalui mantra.

tapi kumohon, pikirkan baik-baik mantramu.
karena sekali kau memintaku menjadi asap,
meruap bersama angin dan lenyap,
aku tidak akan kembali lagi.

(lunar eclipse 2, 16.06.2011 by Maulina M. Sholeh)

Lunar Eclipse 1

sekali kau minta, aku bisa menjadi matahari,
bisa menjadi bintang,
menjadi langit atau bumi

sekali kau minta, aku bisa menjadi debu,
...tersapu angin dan menghilang

kamu hanya perlu mengucap mantranya

(lunar eclipse; 03.00 am-16th June 2011 by Ekaputri Mandasari Tj)

Hujan Merindu

... memang hujan bulan Juni itu paling hebat,
hujan ketika musim pancaroba,
waktunya daun-daun kering meranggas,
saat ketika angin subuh dingin menggigil,
dan siangnya terik tanpa ampun.
...hujan bulan Juni itu,
bahkan ketika datang hanya gerimis pun,
rasanya bisa menghapuskan kemarau setahun:
seperti indahnya selarik sapa meski tanpa suara,
setelah berbait rindu yang tak tersampaikan …
(05.07.2011)